Updated May 25, 2019
Summary:
This article explores the challenges faced by Orthodox singles regarding the concept of shomer negiah, or “guarding one’s touch.” I share insights on the impact of strict policies, personal experiences, and the need for compassionate dialogue around sexuality in the Orthodox community.
1. A New Website and Its Message
Last week, I stumbled upon an intriguing website called Negiah.org, launched by NCSY, an Orthodox youth group. The site promotes abstinence and encourages Jewish teens to limit their physical interactions, even going as far as forbidding hugs and handshakes with non-family members. I felt a mix of curiosity and concern when I read about this. It’s important to protect our children, but I wondered if these guidelines were too extreme.
Understanding Shomer Negiah
Shomer negiah, which means “guarding one’s touch,” has become a key ideal in Orthodox circles. I see it promoted more and more, even among modern Orthodox families. As a mom, I want to support my children in making healthy choices, but I also worry about the pressure they might feel to conform to these expectations.
2. The Struggles of Orthodox Singles
I can’t help but think about the impact these strict rules have on young people. It seems a bit harsh to expect them to completely avoid any physical contact, especially since most of them are trying to navigate their feelings and relationships. I’ve heard stories from friends who struggle with these guidelines, and it breaks my heart.
The Weight of Guilt
Many singles today associate human touch with guilt and anxiety. I remember talking to a friend who shared how every little gesture, like holding hands, filled her with stress. It reminded me of how I felt during my teen years, trying to balance my beliefs with my natural emotions.
3. A Bit of History
The idea of no physical contact isn’t new. It started gaining traction in the 60s and 70s as a response to changing social norms. A book called The Magic Touch really popularized the concept in the 90s, claiming that waiting for a serious relationship would ensure happiness. It’s fascinating how history shapes our values, but I wonder if it still makes sense today.
Changing Times
Back when these ideas took root, most Jews married young, making the no-touch rules feel more feasible. But now, with people marrying later, it seems unrealistic. I often talk with other parents about the challenges our kids face in this modern age. It’s crucial to adapt our teachings to fit their reality.
4. Real Experiences
There’s a powerful story from the Jewish blogosphere that really struck me. A woman, 34 and still waiting for her first kiss, described her feelings of desperation and isolation. I can’t imagine the emotional toll of waiting so long. It reminded me of a time in my life when I felt similarly trapped by expectations.
The Relief of Connection
When she finally kissed someone, she felt a sense of relief and joy, viewing it as a precious gift. I want my children to have that joy without the burden of shame that so many others feel.
5. The Burden of Shame
Most of my friends in their late 20s and 30s who try to follow shomer negiah end up feeling immense shame when they slip up, even if it’s just a brief touch. I’ve seen firsthand how this affects relationships, creating unnecessary stress and confusion.
The Disconnect
I believe that when religious leaders set standards that many can’t uphold, they risk alienating the community. Many singles feel unheard and frustrated, and that’s not what we want for our youth.
6. A Call for Understanding
I think it’s time for a more compassionate approach to discussions about sexuality in the Orthodox community. While I’m not advocating for abandoning our values, I believe we need to have honest conversations about how to support our singles through their challenges.
Building Bridges
Encouraging a dialogue that acknowledges the struggles while promoting healthy boundaries could go a long way. It’s like the discussions I have with other moms in Miami; sharing experiences and supporting each other makes all the difference.
Embracing Our Journey Together
As a mommy blogger, I cherish the chance to share my insights and connect with others. We all want our children to thrive in their identities while navigating the complexities of relationships. Let’s embrace this journey together, fostering understanding and compassion in our community!